If I absolutely had to...

Putting aside all the patriarchal, xenophobic, misogynistic bullshit that is inherent in most organized religions, if I had to choose I would definitely be a catholic...

a) Wine is an integral part of being catholic.



b) They believe in the paranormal.

c) They get to wear fancy outfits and there's all that pomp and ceremony. Any excuse to dress up and I'm in there.

d) Plus there was that brief period during my Audrey Hepburn phase...*sigh* That's why I became a nurse; all the self-flagellation with none of that silly virginity business.

e) Those mothers have got some serious bling. Hell, you can even buy your way out of sin.

f) The Vatican has it's own secret police force. Cue the ninja priest assassins.

The truth is I barely escaped just this fate.



Thankfully, my mother was so fed up with the knuckle-smacking, fit-for-naught-but-birthing Catholic horseshit, that she spared her girls her own upbringing. Now my Sundays are spent how they are meant to be spent... swearing to God that I will never drink again, if only he would stop my eyeballs from pulsing with pain.