Dear Sprout Hopper,
Now, I know that constantly clearing one's metaphorical cache can suck up what few precious drops of spare time you have remaining after slaving away at a week's worth of white collar labour, so I have found you a new best cyber friend. He is always with you. He will never leave you. And he won't tax you with his psychological hangups. Oh, and he's discreet and very professional: Online Alibi Services.
Yours in hermitage,
Violet
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