I am unstoppable

I just received an "invitation" to attend a three day corporate/reeducation/seminar thing next week. Three days. Fuck.

Don't get me wrong, I like my job. I like having a job. But I have never liked forced/group anything. Except sex.

Oh, I'm kidding. Just losing my mind at the thought of three whole days under the fluorescent lights, with lots of flipcharts, "idea sharing," and lunches of cold chow mein.

Girls love BJ

Ah summer. Summer is--among other things much more ghetto, and much more bitch--wedding season.

This offers us non-Bridezilla girls (with full respect given to the sisters who are) a marvelous excuse to buy a sexy new dress.

And for that, there is only one place to turn: Betsey.



I love Betsey. I love that the Ninja loves Betsey.

Good to be here, not there

It's good to be here, and not there.
A smile is creeping up from my lungs -
Maybe it's just the 35 degrees;
I'm sucking back air like Persephone
Spelunking her way through hot cave springs
And loving the clotted colour.

Cobra Snake Soft Cups

what do you like?
need soft cup with really good shape
like round?
whatever doesn't make me look pointy.
heh. i hate pointy
yuppers
seams over the nipple? ew!
not so sexy
i like my bras to hold them like two upturned boys' hands
okay, that goes in ghetto
this is a hipsters website outta New York
might be good to plunder for hair cuts
awwwww
yummy
I love him
I have to look at him again
heh!
yup, still yummy
I can see that underneath that good boy smile is a naughty one, but he'd draw out being a good boy just long enough to drive me crazy.
I love you, dirty girl!
Hot chick. Dig her hair.
She's got a Vice do
they are all, like, 17
But they're so fucking cute these kids
I wish I had that kinda style figured out when I was a young'un
Damn my grunge youth.
omg, it's JO!
JO's unretarded twin brother
It's like jo was one chromosome short of cute, which makes it more disappointing
yeah.
'cause if a guy is kinda ugly, he's usually really fucking hot.
Check this: FIX YOURSELF GIRL (you got a camel toe)!
You have created a monster with me with this damn site.
Why lip rings ruin your looks.
Aye, it's addictive.
Voyeuristic.

Instant message about a ghost

i saw him last night for a meeting
he's very tanned, very blonde, and was wearing
this little cuban hat
so weird to see him

really?
ah

so completely surreal

are you more detached?

yes
yes i am
but
it's a bit like being visited by a ghost
i remember
my body remembers
everything
my life
everything i ever felt, dreamed of, experienced
vanished
and then there he is
so strange
i don't feel ache or love

interesting

just a lonely feeling

what a lovely poem

like an abandoned house

you should ghetto that chunk

heh
really?
not too fromage?
can i include the part about the too tan/too blonde/too cuban?
heh

oh yeah
do it
seriously
and then I'll go in and hyperlink all the phrases
to weird internet stuff
do it
i dig what you said
your words make it sound better than it feels

the weirdest part was seeing his hands again
crooked little finger
i had forgotten
but i hadn't at all

Summer, baby, summer

Thank fuck. It's a sunny day, the Ninja spun me to work on the moto after spoiling my ass, and GBS has finally officially arrived. My bones and skin are aching for sun. I want dirty Havaianas from walking the sticky hot city streets; cool swims in the green lake up by Whistler; cold Keith's; dirty beats, a dirtier boy and warm late nights. I want skirts with no underwear, American Apparel boyshorts in every colour, and to clean lovestruck boys off the streets after Violet, as she strides along in those Frye boots of hers. (I just said boys three times. Hmm.)

I also want to wear my gorgeous new Aussie bikinis. Bring summer on.

You got cyber lungs? Pump up the ventolin and weird and wonderful things will happen. Check out the Spanish artist Jamie Hayon. Mad style.

Mono Brows

nomobrow
Originally uploaded by Violet Chrome.

Maybe it's my fascination with Frieda Kahlo. Maybe it was my childhood love of Burt from Ernie and Burt. But I love Super Greg... once you clicked on the link, click on the image you see to your right, and you will know good "mono-brow lovin'".
If you want to "remix" Super "Monobrow" Greg, click here: Super Greg Stash Remix. It's Paris Hilton hot.

Fuschia Slag

It's almost the weekend, and thank god, I say. Rain or no rain, it's still Ghetto Bitch Summer, and GB girls know where to go.





Tonight that would be painter Mark Neufeld's show at Production Studios.

I once was smacked in the face by one of Mark's early paintings. It was at a show at the Dynamo, back in '98. I found I couldn't move: I must have stood in front of the piece, feet nailed to the floor, body vibrating, for twenty minutes. That had only happened to me before in New York and Europe, in museums. Here I was at home, on Hastings Street: I couldn't believe what I was feeling.

At the time, Mark and I were both slaves at the same diner (him, dishwasher, me, waitron). His other job at the time was as a gravestone carver.

He just won the first ever Joe Plaskett Award for his work. It is one of the largest and most prestigious visual-arts awards in Canada.

Geek Love for a Gemini Birth

bilde
Originally uploaded by Violet Chrome.

All geminis know that two heads are better than one, and in honour of the two GB geminis, a special pussy was born: Two-faced kitten.

Now Geek Love is one of my favourite novels, so it only makes sense that I would find this "gift" charming.

61 Ways to Get Fired: Fire Us Up

So, I'm at work, still waiting for "the word". Are we fired? Are we re-hired? (The latter ain't looking so good.) My co-workers and I have discussed filming the various ways we could get fired for every day of our remaining contract, hence the title "61 Ways To Get Fired".


Anyone out there have suggestions for "Ways to Get Fired"? Feel free to leave them in the comment area... you don't have to "login" to tell us how you'd "fire us".

You know, I think our whole generation is firmly rooted in the work ghetto--stuck between the reality of a contract job market and the surreality of a work world comprised of corporations who want our eternal "alliegance"... without strings. Seriously, check out Miriam-Websters third definition:

a: an isolated group
b: a situation that resembles a ghetto especially in conferring inferior status or limiting opportunity.

I can truly say that the 38 and under workforce are "isolated" and have "limited opportunity". So why not celebrate it?

Bitches brew

Mmm-hmm, in honour of all the Geminis we know and love, wait for a hot night (or don't bother) and pour yourself (and whoever caused you to fall off the "I'm going to be single all summer and make out with everyone" wagon) a shaker of the following:

The Geminini

- Fill shaker halfway with cold, pure agave tequila (El Jimador Silver is fine, Embajador de Oaxaca Mezcal shows mad game).

- Add a handful of ice.

- Pour in fresh-squeezed OJ and a splash of raspberry juice, until the shaker is about to overflow.

- Cover, shake and pour into a chilled martini glass (or plastic beer glass, if you're at a Gemini party; or your lover's mouth, if you're dirty--and we know you're not dirty, you're dirtiER)

- Drink: and get so drunk you talk dumb shite, dance your ass off, laugh your ass off, forget large parts of the evening, and maybe do stupid things that turn out to be fine once dawn rises and you sleep a bit and talk a bit and fuck a bit.

Gemini Raging Fire Party

raginfire
Originally uploaded by Violet Chrome.

Heat up the dance floor.

grumpypartyboy
Originally uploaded by Violet Chrome.

Don't get pooped out too soon.

highfives
Originally uploaded by Violet Chrome.

If the dance floor isn't your thing, try a little party soccer - high fives all around.

goaltender
Originally uploaded by Violet Chrome.

And if you're not into exerting energy on the dance floor or the soccer field, be a goal tender. It's chill.

dancefloor
Originally uploaded by Violet Chrome.

But really, the dance floor is where it's at: a raging fire, burning feet, and lots of smoking hot folks.

tastytongue
Originally uploaded by Violet Chrome.

Taste the fun.

Ghettoscopes June 9-15

Aries
You have moments of almost childlike joy and innocence and experience events in a delightful new way. Neat-o. Make sure to turn your dolls around when you’re having sex this week. It’s creepy when they stare.

Taurus
You are powerful this week: you have nothing to lose and a considerable amount to gain. Of course, if you’re trying to lose weight, this horoscope sucks.

Gemini
Look around you nature lover, listen to the language of the breeze. If it’s hot air, leave ‘em a breadcrumb trail.

Cancer
You’ll be expected to make quick, brilliant decisions on the spot. Think pink.

Leo
Fabricate interesting stuff. Remember: your given name is your first pet, your surname is the first street you lived on.

Virgo
You’ll feel a crescendo of attention during the next two weeks. Hide the glassware, and keep that proverbial lampshade on your head. Photos are incriminating.

Libra
Don’t sit home, trapped between the same old sofa cushions. Get out and order yourself a sandwich. You can be the meat.

Scorpio
This week, you’ll weave a mystery out of golden threads. So, remember the name “Rumpelstiltskin”. And remember to charge interest.

Sagittarius
Better communication might lead to better sex. Or it might not. Our lips are sealed. Are yours?

Capricorn
This week is like turning a new leaf in your love zone. Better be something about doing away with fig leaves. Cause that’s the only zone you should be concentrating on.

Aquarius
The screws are tightened and the gears greased in preparation for an ambitious undertaking. So grab you tin-foil helmet and purple sneakers because this week’s going to be out of this world.

Pisces
There’s no need to settle for something that doesn’t move you. So keep on keeping on. And on. And on. And on. Every night and every day.

Lady Snowblood

snowblood
Originally uploaded by Violet Chrome.

Lady Snowblood. I have a dream - an awesome dream: Lady Snowblood and Female Convict Scopion become an avenging duo. Sigh, you know Hollywood (aka Tarantino) is considering it. You know it would suck... but if it was done well, it would be awesome.

I am a sucker for these hard-ass bitches.

The Summer Shoe Pledge

toe
Originally uploaded by Violet Chrome.

Received as an email chain letter... Please raise your big toe and repeat after me:

As a member of the female gender, I (repeat your name) pledge to follow the following Sandal Rules:

1. I promise to always wear sandals that fit. My toes will not hang over and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. The sides of my feet will not pudge out between the straps.
2. I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish chip-free. I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe.
3. I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow.
4. I will shave the hairs off my big toe.
5. I won't wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes.
6. If a strap breaks, I won't duct-tape or glue it back into place.
7. I will not live in corn denial, rather I will lean on my good friend Dr. Scholls if my feet need him.
8. I will resist the urge to buy jelly shoes at PayLess for the low, low price of $4.99. This is out of concern for my safety and the safety of others. No one can walk properly when standing in a pool of sweat.
9. I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell and begin to look like Vienna sausages.
10. I will be brutally honest with my girlfriend when she asks me if her feet are too ugly to wear sandals.

GBS NOTE: a lot of this information applies to boy byatches too. Check out the image of Madonna. Yes, you never know when your little piggies may get sucked, so keep 'em buffed and trimmed.

Ghetto Bitches Internationale, LLC

Ghetto bitches are so international: heading up the Oslo Division is Special Agent Pinklentil, captured here in a rare photo on while on a naughty weekend in Firenze.

Damage Control

Damage Control
Originally uploaded by Violet Chrome.

The Ghetto Bitches miss you Valentine. Come back from your European tour soon.










Diary of mad electronic musicians in Europe: DC Tour. Find out more about Damage Control.

In the Ghetto Know -- Photos by "ib"

blim_1
Originally uploaded by Violet Chrome.

Welcome to Blim.

blim_2
Originally uploaded by Violet Chrome.

It's a screenprinting studio by day, and a cerebral music and visual art venue by night.

blim_3
Originally uploaded by Violet Chrome.

Blim is one of my favourite spots, tucked away in an upper nook of an office building.

blim_4
Originally uploaded by Violet Chrome.

You have to buzz to get into the building. Then you have to wind up this hidden staircase. It all feels very clandestine and nefarious. I like nefarious things.

Weekly Ghettoscopes

Aries
I don’t know what the hell the HAUSE OF LOVE is, but you’re in it this week. And if you’re any kind of GB, it’s the dog hause. But don’t sweat it. Your bodacious motivation increases excitement in others. So get the hell out and burn that hause down with a booty call.

Taurus
You’re supposed to try a little tenderness this week Taurus – really slather it on. In GB’s world “slather” trumps “tenderness”. Make slather your mantra; dirtier your mission.

Gemini
This week you’re as hot as naked twins on a motorcycle. You’re the Pied Piper and your free-wheeling magnetism is your ticket to ride… naked. Think about it: people want to have what you have and are likely to mimic you. Can you imagine inspiring posse of naked clones? Even if it isn’t sexy, it sure will be funny.

Cancer
You supposed to accept people at face value this week, Cancer. But these GBs recommend that you only accept a pretty faces. Don’t bother training your eyes on the fugly ones, just leap into the here-and-now and take a chance on new, hot, umm, equipment.

Leo
Your intoxicating vibe attracts plenty of admiring glances. Yes, you are being noticed, so look your most devastating. And if nobody’s looking as good as you are this week, drink a few martinis – people look much better in soft focus.

Virgo
This week urges you to not be afraid of failure, happiness – any of the highs or lows. Take it all in, because sometimes the most exquisite pleasure arrives on the heels of great pain. So, if your hot new shoes hurt like hell, remember, you can kick them off once you’ve gotten that hottie into your bed.

Libra
Remember superhero underwear? Remember how much you loved them? Your trick this week Libra is to keep a dirty little secret to yourself. It’s easy to do: just wear a personal flair item under your clothes. It’ll keep a dirty little smile on our, er, your face all week.

Scorpio
You have some kind of second wind coming this week. It’s supposed to do with relationships and all that crap. It is recommended that you keep an open mind and an unlocked door. What can I add to this but to say: go out and buy condoms and pepper spray.

Sagittarius
Venus blesses most of your relationships with an extra touch of fun. Aww, isn’t that cute? Here’s the GB kink: escape the clutches of clinging relatives by sleeping with your cousin –once removed (hey, it’s legal)—in your childhood bed.

Capricorn
You can run but you cannot hide from love, darling. Life is a highway and—that’s right—you’re riding it all week long. So hit the commuter lane and switch up your usual seat. Yell out “Shot Gun!”; see who wants to join the ride.

Aquarius
Love and vanity conspire to make you healthier and more attractive. Really, it can all be yours—caviar, champagne, long walks the beach, unicorns… seriously. Everyone has the right dream big, so why dream small?

Pisces
Take advantage of the mother corp before it turns into father and kicks you out of the house.

Violet Vader

I refuse the romantic force. I will not come over to the "light side" Princess Oksana; you can't tempt me with your post. I remain Violet Chrome, uncompromised dark and dirty GB.

Byatches and making out

To reiterate: sleepovers and making out are part of being a Ghetto Bitch. It's OK to get all romantic on your ass about it afterwards, if you like the guy, or just want to fuck him again, or whatever.

Clearly, Violet agrees: witness her birthday weekend. Waah, it's romance!

Byatches and romance

Romantic? Maybe the end part was. But sleeping over at a boy's house should include some romance, goddammit. And hey, my getting-out-alive-the-next-day tips are all true, as are yours (and Diddy's) tips on when to stay vs. when to run.

And as for you, Miss V, I believe I have some recent pics of you and a certain someone caught in a romantic position at least as compromising as the one of me and the Ninja. They're at home, but wait for it, wait for it...

Damn. That was a fun Halloween party.

Cultivating Mould Gardens

kisses
Originally uploaded by Violet Chrome.

What's happening to you Oksana? You're getting - like - all romantic and stuff. Come back Oksana, come back.

Appendage to Oksana's bitch's guide to a boy's bedroom:

1. If he has Snoopy (or any cartoon) sheets, leave.

2. Cultivating a healthy mould garden is not the same as having plants.

3. If there's two piles of clothing on the floor ask if one is the "clean" pile. Then ask if his mom still does his laundry.

Suggestions from my sister over at slushpile:

4. The value-pack of Kleenex by the bed should be questioned (that said, wet wipes under the bed is just plain smart pool).

5. Check out his ointments. If he has any anti-fungal creams, or any thing with "genital" or "warts" on the prescription bottle, get out.

6. There is no excuse for an ex-girlfriend's picture to be tacked on the fridge. Worse, if you find pictures of a girl tucked around the apartment, question if she's really an "ex".

7. Copy of the kama sutra prominantly displayed by the bed. That's just so sad.