Remnant email from my time as a jaded-post-raver:
(I'm pretty sure I taught Sunday morning... at least, I think it was Sunday, who knows.)
Sent: Saturday, January 26, 2000 5:28 PM
Subject: weekend workshop: group interventions, dynamics & aspirations
We at Sensitive Group WorksTM invite you to a weekend workshop to make your group better, stronger, and more insular. We promise that after this workshop, nobody will understand your group, nor will your group understand anyone outside of it. Our service is guaranteed, and if you are not satisfied with the results, your group gets its money back!
After some intensive research on our part, we have devised a tentative schedule for your weekend, with your members contributing to help you highlight your strengths and mostly your weaknesses.
Reach out and learn from your own group!
Friday Evening: The Weekend Warm-Up — "All about it!" with Coco Chanel
Artificial enlightenment and its benefit for you and your group!
BYO yoga mats for everybody's new favorite pastime and leave your watch at home. Don't plan on sleeping, for this seminar may take you into the early hours of the morning.
Saturday Morning: The Morning After — "Totally wicked!' with Lorna Laush
Group cohesiveness and why you are important to your group!
Sick of attending all your group functions?
Let Lorna inspire you to always participate!
Saturday Afternoon: Total Group Domination — "What's your problem?" with Mah Belle
Monitoring your group and cultivating your mothering skills!
Are members of your group unwilling to follow the rules?
Helping the group understand why you are right!
Saturday Evening: Cerebral Saturday — "Yes please" with Steve & Gunter
Strengthening group-mind control with ESP
If you can't read the minds of your fellow group members, how can you possibly maintain a united front against outsiders? Learn the patented MindlinkTM from the real originators!
Sunday Morning: Consensus & Politics — "BoingBoing" with Violet Chrome & Lady Bird
Nurturing political correctness and the feminists within.
Coercion and trade-offs are replaced with creative alternatives, and compromise with synthesis. Get it? REALLY? Because we sure don't!
Sunday Afternoon: Sensitive & Caring Brunch — "For sure we're snobs!" with WA Holden, Jack Exass & Jorde Pante
Taking friend lessons, and the brotherhood of cleanliness.
Learn how to make oil and water mix into a zesty Creole, lard, vegan vinaigrette while keeping things clean, dammit (especially your cat's asshole).
We look forward to hearing from your group.
Just remember...
Nobody knows you, your dirty secrets, and your weaknesses better than your group!
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