We didn't learn everything from our mothers.
Not to slag on them: they were women with their own lives and troubles, who unquestionably loved us, no matter how complicated our relationship with them was, or remains. (Mine finally feels as if it is slowly untangling.)
But it's strange to think of the weird little biases and prejudices we hand on, or pick up. In my case:
Buy only black shoes. Any other colour is impractical.
One purse is enough. Black.
One coat is enough.
What's makeup remover? Use baby oil.
What's shaving cream? Use soap.
There is no such thing as lipliner, or makeup brushes. The little brush that comes in the eyeshadow container is fine.
You look better in navy blue than black.
Wear flats, not high heels.
Spices are dried things that live in a cupboard. It's OK to keep them for a decade.
Lack is the paradigm: abundance isn't yours.
These stuck with me for a long, long time. It has taken me a long time to shake them.
On the other hand, she also taught me:
Jumping on the bed is a fun thing to do.
You can run around India and endanger yourself and still be loved, few questions asked.
Singing in the house is a sign of happiness.
Cleaning is rewarding.
Women work, and are thus both cool and strong.
Later I learned what her story was. How affected she was by her own mother (mad, selfish and largely absent). I don't judge her for what she gave and didn't, how she alternately (and I'm sure unintentionally, both loved and crushed me.) She was 26 when she had me, for fuck's sake, she looked like the girl on the Modess package up there. Ten years younger than I am now. God. We were talking the other day about how much has changed since she was a girl: think sanitary belts, think that there is nothing left in the world priced at 49 cents.
So I thank her for the Mata Sutra, all that she taught me, the good and the bad, what I had to learn and what I had to unlearn, or learn for myself.
...
On a completely other note, just how cheesily fabulous is
Legends of the Fall?
Total melodrama, the gorgeous Julia Ormond and Brad Pitt (both luscious and wrinkle-free, just like we all were twelve years ago, I suppose) and best of all, you can do the spot-the-Gastown streets in the city scenes. Once again, the Alberta landscape steals the show.
