Mae West and Petit Mortes

I love my girl roomate for many reasons. And you should love her too. Why? Because she's the coolest, most practical, most boy-friendly, girl-first feminist ever.

I dig her view: screw long, dry didactic tomes on why this world sucks. Screw hierarchies, screw patriarchy, screw dualisms. Instead, go screw yourself. Yes, this is her mandate. It's ever so much more fun, and empowering...

The story of my roomate - oh, let's call her - Mae West:

By the time Mae West was 15, she had orgasims down. She had been doing it to herself for years. It had brought her much pleasure. So, she decided it was time to spread the word - and her friend's legs. Yes, Mae's feminist mission was to make sure all of her female friends knew how to pleasure themselves. Oh god yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Her first convert was her akward best friend. Mae quickly realized that before she could teach, she had to preach the new gospel, and yes, she had to deal with some Freudian fears.

At the tender age of 15, Mae's friend was titallated by the concept of buying a vibrator, but she could not bring herself to do it - no matter how hard she tried.

Why?

Because she worried that if she died, her mother would find said vibrator - post humou(rou)sly.

Right. Why worry about awakening your blossoming sexuality when you can make it more complicated? Yes, it's much more terrible to have your sex toy discovered AFTER YOU DIE. And again, we find a real-life application of the death drive. And the petit morte comes to Canada! L'ecriture feminine written on the body... speaking of books:

So Mae, in her infinite wisdom, circumnavigated her closeted friend's fear with a little craft work. Mae created a "book safe"* in which her nervous friend could hide her pleasure dome. Such an impractical solution that worked perfectly. Because sometimes, there's nothing practical about our fear. You've got to trick it most of the time... or tease it.

Guess what book Mae chose?

You got it: Great Expectations. Ah, l'ecriture feminine was never so tangible - a much more pleasurable read.

*(Book safe: a book's core is hollowed out in order to store nefarious and precious items.)