We didn't learn everything from our mothers.
Not to slag on them: they were women with their own lives and troubles, who unquestionably loved us, no matter how complicated our relationship with them was, or remains. (Mine finally feels as if it is slowly untangling.)
But it's strange to think of the weird little biases and prejudices we hand on, or pick up. In my case:
Buy only black shoes. Any other colour is impractical.
One purse is enough. Black.
One coat is enough.
What's makeup remover? Use baby oil.
What's shaving cream? Use soap.
There is no such thing as lipliner, or makeup brushes. The little brush that comes in the eyeshadow container is fine.
You look better in navy blue than black.
Wear flats, not high heels.
Spices are dried things that live in a cupboard. It's OK to keep them for a decade.
Lack is the paradigm: abundance isn't yours.
These stuck with me for a long, long time. It has taken me a long time to shake them.
On the other hand, she also taught me:
Jumping on the bed is a fun thing to do.
You can run around India and endanger yourself and still be loved, few questions asked.
Singing in the house is a sign of happiness.
Cleaning is rewarding.
Women work, and are thus both cool and strong.
Later I learned what her story was. How affected she was by her own mother (mad, selfish and largely absent). I don't judge her for what she gave and didn't, how she alternately (and I'm sure unintentionally, both loved and crushed me.) She was 26 when she had me, for fuck's sake, she looked like the girl on the Modess package up there. Ten years younger than I am now. God. We were talking the other day about how much has changed since she was a girl: think sanitary belts, think that there is nothing left in the world priced at 49 cents.
So I thank her for the Mata Sutra, all that she taught me, the good and the bad, what I had to learn and what I had to unlearn, or learn for myself.
...
On a completely other note, just how cheesily fabulous is Legends of the Fall?
Total melodrama, the gorgeous Julia Ormond and Brad Pitt (both luscious and wrinkle-free, just like we all were twelve years ago, I suppose) and best of all, you can do the spot-the-Gastown streets in the city scenes. Once again, the Alberta landscape steals the show.
7 comments:
Wait a minute. Shoes come in different colours?
NoNoNoWait...I own pale tanish/pink shoes. I never wear them, but I own them.
Dear God Oksana! Why did you write this?? Now I'm even more paranoid about becoming/being my mother.
I don't know if you've ever heard my theory on modern evolution but it goes something like this:
In order to evolve as a species and as women our goal is to do everything in our power NOT to become our mothers. Grammar aside, I think it's a pretty sound theory. Great, now I am letting down not only myself but women and human beings everywhere.
*weeps*
I know, the shoe thing is weird, hey? It took me years to get up the guts to buy coloured shoes--right now I am wearing pink high-heeled Fornarinas (the most expensive I've ever bought myself, although bought on sale) with brown fishnets and a red print BGBG dress--all nearly lost in a post-Valentines makeout session in Stanley Park, *sigh.* Talk about reclaiming adolescence, but on a better-shod level!
I think the best thing about mothers--for me anyway, right now--is learning to love them as they are. You, Mata (which means mother in Hindi anyway) you are just so damn fabulous, just as you are, in shoes of any colour.
xo
oksana
O.D.
That's a really beautiful elegy to your ma. Really beautiful.
I think I know how hard those are to write.
T.R.
Mata Hari,
What's wrong with the grammar on that one? It's not only a sound theory in theory, but in grammar too. Or are you just flirting with the split infinitive? Like so many ma's before you, do you long to go boldly where no ma has gone before? Or does the theory go with grammar as it does with boys: Bad is better? I wouldn't know (see my Gay-o-meter reading).
Ha ha Travis, who let you in here? Although that is a fine likeness, heh.
Thanks for your kind words about the post. I don't know, it just sort of happened, as these things do.
Who knows where to download XRumer 5.0 Palladium?
Help, please. All recommend this program to effectively advertise on the Internet, this is the best program!
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